Why are photos so triggering?!?

You had a fun time last night.. and then someone posted a photo on social media… You think "I look so {fat, ugly, etc…. Fill in adjective here}. "Why did they not tell me I looked that bad?" "Why did anyone hang out with me at all?" You are crushed! You can't get it out of your head. You thought you had such a great time but now you feel a desperate need to change your appearance. Why are you this triggered?

Photos stick in our minds-literally -human minds have an amazing ability to encode a picture. The only animal with this level of capability is the pigeon-though don’t ask me how scientists figured that one out:-). So pictures can actually trigger emotions/memories faster than words. Science has also shown that pictures take the place of memories. So we remember the visual image of a photo more than how we actually felt or experienced the event. Our brains just store it that way. We often remember memories that are associated with pictures that we have seen of themselves. Experiments with fake photoshopped photos of people in hot air balloons have been shown to cause people to create false memories of a hot air balloon ride!

Pictures shift our memories from something called field view (where you are experiencing the sights and sounds of the memory) to observer view (where you are watching it as if someone else was). Ever had a great time at a party and then you saw a party photo where you thought you looked fat.. and it wrecked your day? Before you saw the photo, you were in field view, remembering the sights and sounds and emotions of the party. The act of looking at photos shifts the memory to observer view. And the visual memories of the picture change your brain perspective. So now the photos trigger other emotions that you ascribe to the party. (I’ll explain that emotional reaction more later).

So looking at a photo.... maybe even while you are having fun with friends or family.. can lead you to fixate on the visual images of the photo as opposed to the other sounds, emotions, and people you were experiencing. Your brain just does that.

So what do we do about it? Well, sometimes it is helpful to simply know that is how your brain takes it in. That can give you compassion and understanding on why this memory seems so dominant and so real and so present and so pervasive. Visual capabilities are also on a spectrum-some people have photographic memories and others seem to have limited visual memory. If your visual memory and eye for details is on the higher end, that's a fantastic skill...AND it makes it easier to retain visual images of yourself which may make it harder to separate from the emotions they create. You can both appreciate those strengths about yourself and recognize your weaknesses.

The interesting thing is that observer view can actually be used to reduce the emotional experience associated with photographs. Our brains do this self-protectively with trauma where we may have a memory where we are almost watching ourselves. You may think you are being an observer of your photos but looking at your photos is throwing you into a field perspective of that specific moment where you are experiencing a lot of emotions at looking at the picture. And then you ascribe those feelings that you are feeling now to the picture you are watching. You may not have been thinking about your body size or the shape of your nose at all when those pictures were taken! But now as you look at the picture, your attention is drawn to those parts, and your emotional reaction to the picture taints your view of those pictures and that event. It’s already hard to get a visual image out of your head but once it is attached to an onslaught of memories and emotions your brain starts to spiral. And this disconnect in memories may even feel confusing - how could I have thought I had a fun time/felt confident when I feel so much shame now. To tolerate the emotions, thoughts come out….. like the ones about wanting to change your body size. Thoughts are a way of us coping with strong emotions. But the thoughts allow the emotions to exist longer and your brain starts to spiral.

Most people have been shown to be able to switch from field to observer perspective at will. But it may take some practice. It may help to look at those photos as if you were looking at ones you were taking. What would you think about lighting, background, the other people? Taking even a split second to judge a picture from that angle can separate you from the emotional flood of memories and emotions that get triggered by the visual image.

So being an unbiased observer can help stop the emotional flood. Sometimes being an unbiased observer can also help explain why you are having an emotional reaction to a photo. So how do we use this?

I used to hate one prominently displayed family photo because I didn’t like how my body looked bigger compared to everyone else. Seeing the photo would trigger an onslaught of shame and fear about my body. Every time I saw the photo, these emotions would flood.

Finally, in a calm moment, I took observer view and looked at it as a reporter or scientist might objectively view it. 1- “How does the lighting/camera angle affect my perspective?” My body is closest to the camera. So of course, being closest to the camera means that I look significantly larger than people further away. 2- “What else do I see in the photo?” I am laughing and smiling and so is almost everyone else. 3- “What do I remember from when this picture was taken?” I remember someone told a joke as they were snapping the picture and we all started laughing. 4- “How did I feel in that moment?” It was fun and I felt free. As I continue to remember stories of that weekend, I realize almost all of my stories and emotional memories from that family gathering have nothing to do with my body size! And as I work to remember what happened and how I felt in the photo. I reframe the photo, realizing that what I love about the photo is that I am laughing hysterically in the photo, enjoying the company of others, and not obsessing about my body.

Sometimes observing our appearance in a photo can be a window into our mental state. Tired eyes and a haggard look may confirm that the emotional exhaustion we work so hard to hide is visible to others. A significant shift in body size may help us evaluate how we are using food, exercise, and eating disorder behaviors to cope. A radiant glow may show that our hard work in therapy is paying off. 

As I start to feel separated from the emotions of this picture, I’ve been able to ask myself the hard questions about what my body size tells me about my mental state. As I look at the picture, as an observer, I can acknowledge my size is a larger. I can remember that I had been secretly struggling with depression and binge eating. Some of what I feel is the shame that my mental health state feels visible.

It is also helpful to realize that some of the shame I feel isn’t mine. Our society’s emphasis on thinness means that some of the shame we feel is a result of all the images, media, and people around us who may espouse a belief that a particular body type is better and attainable for all. Sadly, in our society, the more that your body differs from a societal ideal, the more comments and images, you will have to fight against on a daily basis. It is a difficult battle to not take on other’s negative body projections and shame.

Seeing that photo, even years after I had this realization, can sometimes still trigger some of those emotions associated with body shame. But doing this process over and over has significantly lessened the flood of emotions. Each time, I feel the flood, I had to choose to intentionally step back and look at other people and be an observer. I had to work to remember other events and emotions about that family gathering. It also helps me to realize what I lose when I stay in field view…

When all I see and feel in that photo is my physical body, and all I feel in that photo is shame and fear, I lose the bigger picture. Field view reduces my memories to body shame. I lose the joy, love, laughter, and sense of connection I felt at that event. Those are the memories I want to cherish.

One of the things I find helpful is to look at this weird look on my cousin’s face in the photo. I then think about how she probably feels about that photo. This is another way of coping.. being an observer from other people's point of view. How is the other person in the photo judging themselves? Or what are they seeing in the photo? It’s been particularly intriguing for me to see how other people judge themselves in photos. Oftentimes, I realize others fret about perceived hair, makeup, facial, body, or clothing flaws that I do not notice in myself and I definitely do not notice in them! What I saw was a picture of them looking happy and having an awesome time. (And maybe their photo even made me feel jealous or inadequate.) Recognizing that most of us do this, both normalizes my emotional reaction to a photo. It also helps me see how relative the things that I judge myself are. I see how other people are able to move on from an undesirable photograph -even when it’s something harder to change like a nose. It is interesting though how sometimes people's immediate response is to take another more flattering picture - one that changes the visual memory.:-). Or they simply shift their attention elsewhere. We all have coping skills. Maybe some of those can work for you.

While it may be helpful to avoid photos during parts of recovery like weight gain in anorexia, social media makes photos of ourselves very hard to avoid. Photos tell a story… but sometimes, it's helpful to remember that they don't tell the story you remember. Let's say last night, you felt confident, accepted and appreciated by friends. Today, your brain tells you are fat and unloveable. The first part is still true!! Your brain may need some help remembering it. I hope the science can help gently remind you that you are still an amazing person and last night was awesome!!!